How To Know What You Really Want

what do you want
“What do you want?”

It’s a powerful question. Like, really powerful. Because when you’re clear on what you want, you own what you want, and you feel good about what you want…There’s NOTHING stopping you. Seriously nothing. Not even a herd of rhinos charging at you (not sure why they would, but hey!). There’s such incredible power in that question that most of us shy away from it in some way. We say “Oh I don’t know” or “I’m confused!” or hide the truth from ourselves in some way. It feels safer. We can keep floating through life without having to take a stand or make any decisions.

But that’s not the life you want, right?
You don’t want the floaty, play nice, ambitionless, blah kind of life do you?
You want a life where you FEEL good, alive, charged, energized, happy!
Knowing what you want does that.
Your sacral chakra lights up and your vitality, creativity, zest for life go through the roof!

Here are the 10 distinctions about knowing what you want so that you can get CLEAR.

1. What you want vs what you need.

If you’re finding yourself saying “I just want ____(something small)_____, that’s not much to ask, is it?” Chances are you’re not tapping into a life-affirming desire, but rather some kind of an unmet need. Like “I just want my boss to say thank you” or “I just want my roommate to clean up their mess” or “I just want to be left alone”… those are probably not the kind of wants that are going to light you up. They’re probably speaking to some kind of lack in your life. Perhaps for the feeling of recognition or closeness or intimacy or alone time. Ask yourself: What do I need? Then enlist help for that need to be met. This will probably involve asking for it. Hard but worth it.

2. What you want vs what else you want.

One of the reasons what you really want isn’t clear, is because you might have 42 conflicting desires all competing inside of you. For instance, wanting kids & wanting a traveling lifestyle. Wanting to move cities & wanting to get closer to family. Wanting to make more money & wanting to work less. Getting clear on the seemingly contradictory desires within you can help you really think outside the box! Maybe you don’t have to work harder to make more money. Maybe moving away can help you set up structures for yourself so that you can become much closer to your family. Maybe a traveling lifestyle and having kids don’t have to be mutually exclusive. Let your wants start to work together. It’ll feel really energizing!

3. What you want vs what you think you want.

“I think I want” is an indication to dig deeper. We want to awaken the consciousness in your belly. “I think I want” isn’t in the belly. “I want” is in the belly.
Sometimes we’re being sold on something. It sounds good. It’s logical, so we think we want it.
But if we’re honest? Two things:
A) “I think I want XYZ” is as close as you’re getting to your true desire. You just don’t know. You dont’ have all the information yet. For instance, “you think you want an entrepreneurial lifestyle”.
It’s OK to not be sure. SO SO SO SO OK. Transform it into “I want to find out if the entrepreneurial lifestyle is for me” and go out there and test! Find out what you want and what you don’t want. That’s the game!
B) There’s something deeper to it and you can feel into it.
For instance, you “think you want to be an engineer”.
Ask yourself: What do I want about that?
Do I want the prestige? The pay? The stable job? Do I want to just build shit? Do I want to feel good at what I do?
Get honest. Get real. Own it. Wanting what you wanting is GREAT. No matter what it is. (Psst. Nobody else needs to know)

4. What you want vs what you say you want.

Some wants and desires feel more acceptable to share in public. Watch if you’ve just been repeating the “expected” want. Dig deeper. Ask yourself: “Do I really want this? or do I just like talking about it without actually taking any action?” The fact is, some goals give us social status. Maybe at 17 you found power with your family in saying “I want to be a doctor” and everyone gave you some kind of respect, lording it over your poor cousins… and now you’re stuck. And you don’t even know anymore. It’s OK. Refer to point #3 to work it through. Often the best wants are the secret wants. Have a secret love affair with your desire. See where that takes you!

5. What you want vs what others want for you.

Expectations don’t fuel you. They pressure you. Be sure to distinguish between what you want and what others want for you. They might very well be the same. They might not. You might be fighting your desire because it’s what others want for you.
The expectations of others are their own to manage. Respect them enough to deal with them – whether you’re fulfilling expectations or not. Your job is YOU. What gets you in your body, feeling strong and saying “I want this”?

6. What you want vs what you think you’re allowed to want.

You’re allowed to want whatever it is that you want!!!!! Tiny dreams, Humongous dreams, Ridiculous dreams, Funny dreams, Impossible dreams: They’re ALL allowed. You want it? Give yourself permission. Stop holding this tremendous power back. We need you lit up and alive! You’re serving no one keeping it all hidden under limiting beliefs. Wanting it doesn’t mean it has to happen right this second. You’re allowed to want something impossible. Let it inspire you!
(Unless of course it’s something that’ll truly harm others. Making them uncomfortable is FINE. Maybe examine what’s underneath a desire to hurt further!)

7. What your fears want vs what your passion/inspiration/heart wants.

Your fears usually want to protect you. They want to keep you nice and hidden, keeping your head down and doing what you’re “supposed to do”. Your fears love you. Ask them what they want. Just so you know. Then thank them.
Your passion/inspiration/heart usually wants something that’ll use your talents to their fullest, that’ll make you grow, that’ll keep you feeling alive. Ask those parts of you what they want. Just so you know. You get to choose who you listen to.

8. What you want short term vs what you want long term.

Be honest with yourself and see how you can readjust your wants so that they work together. Make the distinction. “Short term I want to go to as many parties as possible and have as much fun as possible”. “Long term I want to be a really calm person”. Make it work! Be creative. Perhaps you can zero in on the calmest person in the room and learn from them at all the parties. Perhaps you can work to create calm in super intense situations and learn for your long term project. If you think this through, you’ll feel much more aligned.
Oh and also: If you can’t figure out the long term, forget about it! What do you want in the next year or two? It’s SO powerful to know.

9. what you want vs what you don’t want

Sometimes, it’s just not possible to frame anything in the positive. Don’t worry about it! Think about what you don’t want for a while. Let that point you to what you do want. There’s jewels in pain and frustration. Dig in and find them!

10. What you want vs what inspires you

IF the question “What do I want” isn’t getting you anywhere and is feeling really heavy and full of pressure, forget about it! There’s no point. We want you lit up and powerful and alive! Not bent and sad and full of pressure!
Try “what inspires me right now?” instead. Or: What am I curious about? Then follow the thread!

Now go ask yourself some powerful questions and feel into what you want!

THANK YOU for reading! I really hope this was useful to you. I see people in my office so often who come in saying “I don’t know what I want’ and then, after some digging they know EXACTLY what they want and they knew all along, but now they give themselves permission to want what they want… the transformation is insane! So much vitality is returned to them. So much joy! I hope you’ll be one of those people. Want what you want! Get clear on it. Own it. Let it MOVE you and do awesome stuff in the world.

Go deeper with me

IF you want to live an INSPIRED life, and I mean charged up and alive and energized, digging into what you want is a fantastic strategy. I’d be really excited to help you do JUST that with my signature “Reconnection Program” a 5-week process to reconnect with your wild & beautiful self (offered for Montrealers only!) OR with Spiritual Life Coaching – Charging up your inner life so that your outer life reflects all the awesomeness that is you (Holy shit imagine!!! Min 3 month commitment!).

Find out more by booking a free 30-min phone consultation with me.

Let’s Talk!

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